The Saddest...

I dream of Septembers
where the snow of Decembers 
slowly accumulates
on the front porch
Instead of feet
we get a discreet 
layer on all
An average fall
that the body can bear 
and take on
for when there is 
a powerful storm
my body experiences pain
and  becomes a battered form
And when it's cold out there
the air i consume
chills me inside
opening up wounds
that no one can tend to
Yes some say "I can mend you"
but what afflicts me
few have ever been through
I speak of heartaches
and mornings
where the sun never appears
I now search for the strength
while hounded by fear
i find myself on my own ship
yet it is not i who steers
nor peers
but the one who had my heart
and drowned it in tears
I'm not afraid to say i'm hurting
hoping that closure 
eventually appears

The Lessons We Take

What am I looking for?

beyond that which I had

that which I tossed away

and that which I passed

a love till this day

I regret didn't last

pain so unbearable'

it hurts when I laugh

I look at myself and

realize that with you

I became everything i hated

and despised

the moment

I saw agony in your eyes

but even in my failure

triumph lies

for with what I learned

with humility I was prized

So now in darkness I find

that piece of me 

I must place 

in the hands of the one 

for inside her it will either be mended

or in her hands it breaks 

Lost In The Confusion

There are times when the mind
in all its glory and wisdom
tells you things
you can't understand
prepares you for an emotion
that has no meaning
and can't be defined
you find yourself lost in a stream of thought
almost thought impossible
the emotions firing off in quick succession
love lust and joy
caught in the eye of a dreamer
bleeder of the emotional type
adding to his plight
as he deals with lonely days and lonely nights
the eternal fight
he's caught in
between that which he loves and that which he writes
for what he wants to say
on paper he writes
never escaping his lips
no matter how hard he may try
time passing by
yet what he feels never dies
this is his world
in a game
where he can never show his hand
without knowing where she stands
afraid that if he shows it
what he feels
she could not comprehend
an explosion
as potent
as a dagger through a man

The Pain Exceeds

I've learned
in this small time
love can never be owned
for that's a clear sign
that love was never there
a twist of our minds
the poses in the pictures
proof of our crimes
against one another
cause we never were
the faces that you saw
were trying to rebirth
what existed in the beginning
clawing to unearth
a pure emotion
lying would always hurt
See 
cause when i needed you
i grew tired 
of counting ways
you could have been there
a stopgap to the rage
that grew in me
every time i had to face
the world alone
as it carved in me a place
a hollowed point
where my soul once laid

From The Mountain Tops

I open my heart
because it clearly defines me
a passionate individual
running so blindly
obstacles in my path
avoid them for the time being
a goal exists in sight
and it's you that i'm seeing
a touch
that only parallels
the high
of a fine dream
lips 
that when they part
award me with
kind things
sweet musings
of a lover
who knows 
that I bring
more 
than just better
my warmth
heats weather
that chilled her
when he let her go
and as the snow fell
tears frozen by cold yells
I knew that it was time
for her heart to leave hell
so I could soothe her with a voice
that announces and makes it a point
to tell her every day
that I love her in every way

Pain I've Caused

Mistakes I've made in life
when lust is what I feel
the thrill
takes hold of me
and rational thought
is suddenly killed
the need to be
with someone
is stronger than
any will
that would have told me
months ago
to tell her all the real
emotions running through my mind
time and time again
chances i let slip by
letting the coward in me win
apology after apology
now
is all i have to say
an out pouring of regret
i hope one day she takes
and if she doesn't
a lesson to the grave

The Payoff

Think of a moment
when you were by yourself
thoughts echoing off of walls
confused
while you knelt
trying to understand
what the man beside you says
promising you everything
as he leads you towards a ledge
where the voice from outside
suddenly resides within
your conciousness becomes
tied to him
and you realize
how easy it is for them
to hate, steal, rape and bend
the soul
into shapes
that deep inside 
you could see yourself make
see how easy it is to break
to become the evil
that you take
and point at
label and portray
as something you could never be
and no i'm not advocating escape
to let whats inside you create
a world of misery and pain
i need you to realize
that the hardest road 
will always produce better gains