My...

My love was a formula
waiting for pride 
to be removed
from the other end
waiting 
for an open heart
and a plethora
of words
that no longer needed
to be held back
Instead I listened 
to the sound of my fears
now deafening 
after years
of everything being given
waiting 
for the other side
of the equation
to appear
In a way
I HOPED it was waiting 
the universes way of creating
the ultimate climax
where no matter how taxing the hurt
it would all be worth it in the payback
So on this road I traveled
until a run became a shuffle
and my thirst 
became unbearable
wondering
if my heart 
would ever find another reason to beat
but just as I found myself kneeling
reeling from a thought 
of you never appearing
there you were
my everything in a moment
my future in a smile
my hopes and dreams
my other
my next
my last
my love

What Next Runs Into

An animal of habit
I travel
through the snow
Leaving a mark
Wherever the ice
would have it
melting away a fortress
Where misery
Easily courts us
And your heart rarely sees
The light of day
Always a slave to the chase
And though
Countless numbers you've faced
Still a stranger to the pace
Of a lovers trace
Hands searching
hope nearby hurdling
Over fear
So fast
Barely touched by past tears
Trying to forget everything
you've learned
pushing away thoughts
Of the scars
from burns
Can't control the fact
That your inner light
still yearns
For the risks
The love I bring
Never earned

where i stanD

You look into the eyes
and see someone looking back
someone with no walls
someone letting you in
And all you should do
is the same
minus the fear
minus the pain
don't try to explain it
simplicity sustains it
exist in the moment
paradise is easily lost
when in search of a motive
So for now
I exist only in
the softness of your lips
and when I should be sleeping
I find myself in the midst
of so many thoughts
of a beautiful morning filled with
you so close to me
that we're sharing minds
reaching a point
where I need to be
before comes the time
my hands
placed gently upon yours
the warmth of your body
to me becomes a cure
If this is what
our time together
may hold in store
I wake up each day knowing
the strength of your allure

The need for love

My mind is in a place
where finally i can taste
a future i never thought
I would face
All the pain within me
suddenly slows to a pace
where your love
can make up ground
and all the hurt
can be erased
but am i still a dreamer?
streamers fall around me
before any finish line is crossed
have i seceeded control
to my hopes
unable to steer my own course?
have i wanted to be loved
for so long
that the faintest look
stirs up joyous song
Or are you truly who
i've felt existed
amidst all the blue?
Can i survive this?
my heartbeat vibrant
pumping timely through
the walls i built
before you?

The Saddest...

I dream of Septembers
where the snow of Decembers 
slowly accumulates
on the front porch
Instead of feet
we get a discreet 
layer on all
An average fall
that the body can bear 
and take on
for when there is 
a powerful storm
my body experiences pain
and  becomes a battered form
And when it's cold out there
the air i consume
chills me inside
opening up wounds
that no one can tend to
Yes some say "I can mend you"
but what afflicts me
few have ever been through
I speak of heartaches
and mornings
where the sun never appears
I now search for the strength
while hounded by fear
i find myself on my own ship
yet it is not i who steers
nor peers
but the one who had my heart
and drowned it in tears
I'm not afraid to say i'm hurting
hoping that closure 
eventually appears

The Lessons We Take

What am I looking for?

beyond that which I had

that which I tossed away

and that which I passed

a love till this day

I regret didn't last

pain so unbearable'

it hurts when I laugh

I look at myself and

realize that with you

I became everything i hated

and despised

the moment

I saw agony in your eyes

but even in my failure

triumph lies

for with what I learned

with humility I was prized

So now in darkness I find

that piece of me 

I must place 

in the hands of the one 

for inside her it will either be mended

or in her hands it breaks 

Lost In The Confusion

There are times when the mind
in all its glory and wisdom
tells you things
you can't understand
prepares you for an emotion
that has no meaning
and can't be defined
you find yourself lost in a stream of thought
almost thought impossible
the emotions firing off in quick succession
love lust and joy
caught in the eye of a dreamer
bleeder of the emotional type
adding to his plight
as he deals with lonely days and lonely nights
the eternal fight
he's caught in
between that which he loves and that which he writes
for what he wants to say
on paper he writes
never escaping his lips
no matter how hard he may try
time passing by
yet what he feels never dies
this is his world
in a game
where he can never show his hand
without knowing where she stands
afraid that if he shows it
what he feels
she could not comprehend
an explosion
as potent
as a dagger through a man