The Saddest...

I dream of Septembers
where the snow of Decembers 
slowly accumulates
on the front porch
Instead of feet
we get a discreet 
layer on all
An average fall
that the body can bear 
and take on
for when there is 
a powerful storm
my body experiences pain
and  becomes a battered form
And when it's cold out there
the air i consume
chills me inside
opening up wounds
that no one can tend to
Yes some say "I can mend you"
but what afflicts me
few have ever been through
I speak of heartaches
and mornings
where the sun never appears
I now search for the strength
while hounded by fear
i find myself on my own ship
yet it is not i who steers
nor peers
but the one who had my heart
and drowned it in tears
I'm not afraid to say i'm hurting
hoping that closure 
eventually appears

The Lessons We Take

What am I looking for?

beyond that which I had

that which I tossed away

and that which I passed

a love till this day

I regret didn't last

pain so unbearable'

it hurts when I laugh

I look at myself and

realize that with you

I became everything i hated

and despised

the moment

I saw agony in your eyes

but even in my failure

triumph lies

for with what I learned

with humility I was prized

So now in darkness I find

that piece of me 

I must place 

in the hands of the one 

for inside her it will either be mended

or in her hands it breaks 

Lost In The Confusion

There are times when the mind
in all its glory and wisdom
tells you things
you can't understand
prepares you for an emotion
that has no meaning
and can't be defined
you find yourself lost in a stream of thought
almost thought impossible
the emotions firing off in quick succession
love lust and joy
caught in the eye of a dreamer
bleeder of the emotional type
adding to his plight
as he deals with lonely days and lonely nights
the eternal fight
he's caught in
between that which he loves and that which he writes
for what he wants to say
on paper he writes
never escaping his lips
no matter how hard he may try
time passing by
yet what he feels never dies
this is his world
in a game
where he can never show his hand
without knowing where she stands
afraid that if he shows it
what he feels
she could not comprehend
an explosion
as potent
as a dagger through a man

The Pain Exceeds

I've learned
in this small time
love can never be owned
for that's a clear sign
that love was never there
a twist of our minds
the poses in the pictures
proof of our crimes
against one another
cause we never were
the faces that you saw
were trying to rebirth
what existed in the beginning
clawing to unearth
a pure emotion
lying would always hurt
See 
cause when i needed you
i grew tired 
of counting ways
you could have been there
a stopgap to the rage
that grew in me
every time i had to face
the world alone
as it carved in me a place
a hollowed point
where my soul once laid

From The Mountain Tops

I open my heart
because it clearly defines me
a passionate individual
running so blindly
obstacles in my path
avoid them for the time being
a goal exists in sight
and it's you that i'm seeing
a touch
that only parallels
the high
of a fine dream
lips 
that when they part
award me with
kind things
sweet musings
of a lover
who knows 
that I bring
more 
than just better
my warmth
heats weather
that chilled her
when he let her go
and as the snow fell
tears frozen by cold yells
I knew that it was time
for her heart to leave hell
so I could soothe her with a voice
that announces and makes it a point
to tell her every day
that I love her in every way

Pain I've Caused

Mistakes I've made in life
when lust is what I feel
the thrill
takes hold of me
and rational thought
is suddenly killed
the need to be
with someone
is stronger than
any will
that would have told me
months ago
to tell her all the real
emotions running through my mind
time and time again
chances i let slip by
letting the coward in me win
apology after apology
now
is all i have to say
an out pouring of regret
i hope one day she takes
and if she doesn't
a lesson to the grave

The Payoff

Think of a moment
when you were by yourself
thoughts echoing off of walls
confused
while you knelt
trying to understand
what the man beside you says
promising you everything
as he leads you towards a ledge
where the voice from outside
suddenly resides within
your conciousness becomes
tied to him
and you realize
how easy it is for them
to hate, steal, rape and bend
the soul
into shapes
that deep inside 
you could see yourself make
see how easy it is to break
to become the evil
that you take
and point at
label and portray
as something you could never be
and no i'm not advocating escape
to let whats inside you create
a world of misery and pain
i need you to realize
that the hardest road 
will always produce better gains

The Value of Love

Love can never be described fully
it escapes barriers and limits
it drives you to succeed
knowing that person who 
stands before you
replaces 
the air you breathe
when everything around you is crumbling
and barely can you stand the freeze
that came 
when no one was there to read
words expressing thoughts
in search of an ear
that could perceive
the value of a man
who knows he needs
the love of someone
other than himself
because in all honesty 
even the independent need help
to cure the pains of a day
incurable by fame, fortune or wealth
See we lust for the body
When we should be tending to emotional welts

Humility

Nothing prepares you for the truth
that point of view
where you're no longer the root
just a branch
blown askew
tumbling down the hill
where the kill is in the fall
the hurt is in the loneliness
and a pill answers your calls
cause all of those around you are missing
no longer listening
to your cries
because it's you
they eventually grew
to despise
Till alas your allies
become a sum of one
you alienated 
those unsatiated
by your dumb
inebriated
truncated
cumbersome
inability
to produce love
from what was once
the greatest thing the world had ever seen
a queen who doesn't quite realize that she's a queen

Parasites

They only exist in moments when nothings died
Lie in the highs
Where problems can't survive
Seconds became days
When the ours became towers
That I could never scale
So I curled in a shell
Already raped of its pearl
surfacing on a shore
Where trust and loyalty are still poured
Eyes open wide
By the impatience of their cries
Wanting more from my rise
”Give me another chance” they chant
As I dance around the tree of enlightenment
Showing me clearly the lack of light in them
So as the sun disappears from my sky
I realize
All I ever needed so I couldn't crumble
Was the sturdiness of my own mind

Runaway Hearts

Your heart can be your greatest enemy
because there is no way to control it
no way to prepare it 
for just how cold cold gets
when the one it loves 
no longer covets 
that feeling from the beginning
you know, that greatest time
when the new and amazing
blinds with all its shine
See it missed the signs
romanticizing while someone else
prepared lines
scripted rehearsals
for a horrible crime
Where no matter what is said
It still burns slow
and the worse of it all
the best decision was to let go

Visions Of The Throne

We all had thoughts that

sooner or later we'd be kings

but kings need kingdoms full of tributes to themselves 

and that seemed obscene

So we carved out a niche

that we called our own

where every man could claim

a piece of the bone

and his respect would forever be carved in stone

Not a tribute more an acute change to the game,

tyrants no longer able to obtain power through pain.

Is such an thought that insane?

Putting power in the hands of those not in search of reign

but of calming winds where death is still certain

but not from the hands of sin

dreams we'd now be able to pin on the wings of fate

my oh my would such a time be great